On Wednesday, the teenager decided to attend the last day of school..
School let out at 11 am, but he decided hang with some buds, first at the skate park, then on to the civic center to shoot hoops, over to one bud’s house, back to the park and back again to the bud’s house.
Who knows how many miles they walked, or how many university 'free ride' buses they rode.
It was after 5:30 and the Legal Dude was already home when I insisted that the teenager finally head home.
He wanted to continue to hang with his buds until a 9 pm showing of MacGruber or head back to the park around 7:30 pm.
We said he had to come home for dinner and then we would discuss the rest of the evening’s events.
He insisted he would walk home.
I didn’t know where his friend lived and when we finally managed to wrestle the address out of him (Have you tried communicating with 13 year old boys recently?) we realized it was some 3 plus miles away.
We told him to stay put, that we would drive over to pick him up. Besides, I wanted to know where his friend lives.
As we drove there, we realized that the teenager has no concept of space, time or reality.
All the way home he insisted “I could have made it home in 20 to 30 minutes or could have jumped on the University free ride bus,” which we pointed out was no longer running due to the lateness of the hour, to which he responded, “Oh, yeah,” which only confirmed his lack of good sense or judgment.
I was already ticked-off, because he had left me dangling for a good portion of the afternoon as to his whereabouts.
I need to know where the teenager is going, who he is with, what is he doing and when he gets there. Then I need to know when he leaves wherever he is, to come back home.
I also need to know that an adult is at home whenever the teens are at someone’s home.
Finally, I want to talk to the parents to make sure it is okay that for my teenager to be there.
The teenager, on the other hand, is one of those youths who firmly believe that any intervention from his parents infringes—and I do mean, “Infringes”—on his independence and freedom.
In other words, he sees no need to call to let us know the who’s, the what, the where or whys of his coming and goings.
Yeah, right—as if!
Besides, letting him hang and wander about with his friends for 6 hours is, in my book, allowing for a heck of a lot of independence.
But I know I was a big pain in the tuckus on Wednesday and that he was beyond annoyed and embarrassed by the number of text messages he received—not only from me but also from the Legal Dude.
Moreover, he insists that his friends do not have to check in with their moms.
Everyone tells us Laramie is a safe place and that for someone of the teenager's age, it's okay to be out walking across town at 8 or 9 pm.
Yeah. I get that it's much safer than Northern Virginia—I see little six and seven year olds biking and walking along the streets, with nary a parent or adult in sight, all the time.
I see kids of all ages walking all over town, heading home or to school or to the park or the civic center at all times of day.
Still—the teenager didn’t grow up here and neither did we.
We don’t know many parents of the teenager's age, or the places the teens like to hang out or anything about how it all works with a teenager biting at the bit for independence and freedom.
This is a completely new minefield for us.
Maybe letting him walk home from the Southern most tip of town to the near, Northern most tip is not such a bad idea, especially if it helps him to realize his reality is anything but, and that his 20 minutes is actually an hour, or longer.
Maybe it would teach him a lesson: that he doesn't, in fact, know as much as he thinks he does.
Maybe it would help set him on the track to earning that freedom badge he so yearns for.
Hey girl.. Lots going on here in your post!
ReplyDeleteI do not envy you or these challenges.
First. You are the parents and he is living under your roof with your rules... that has to be well understood. And, he is still a kid and he needs to understand that he is still a kid...kids are still developing into their 20's - fact. We just let them have their independence a couple year's early - and that is proven by them moving out, supporting themselves, and paying for all things. Only then is he 'on his own'. Until then, house rules.
Do you have any other moms of teens in that same area that you can bounce ideas off of?
I mean, someone that would know these kids too, and what they are up to? And I agree that a parent needs to be home.. they can come to your house if they want to 'hang'. If they need privacy, then something sounds fishy.
And, regardless of Laramies' reputation of being safe, wierdo's still come through and it is still a big city!
But the good news is.. he has friends!!!! Remember when you were worried about him being alone all the time???? He has friends!
I like the idea of you getting to know his friends and their families...
Good luck!!
I agree with the last commenter and I am so glad he has made friends in Laramie! Yay!
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