Memory Lapse

Seven and ½ months ago, we left Arlington to make our way to Laramie.

Seven months ago, today, we took possession of what we now call home.

Recently, I have a hard time remembering my “pre-Laramie” existence.

I remember our friends, of course (and miss them terribly), and our house (but don’t think about it much anymore), and the teenager growing up, and school and work, etc.

Somehow, though, it feels as though I’ve lived here for a lot longer than seven months.

Now and then, I must admit, I do have an occasional bad spell.

Like last month, when I wrote to a friend that I was feeling a bit adrift, between two worlds and just a tad schizophrenic.

It was the 6-month mark and I wasn’t thinking about our house much anymore, and I'd stopped calling VA "back home" and we were getting to know new people, but still missing old friends.

I told her that when it was all new and different, it was like being on a temporary adventure, even though I knew it was for long term.

I told her that the longer I'm here, the more I can see myself staying here, for awhile at least, and then I’d wonder: who am I, where am I going and where do I belong?

She in turn told me that my feelings were natural and that there is a time when it stops being a new adventure and one has to settle into the reality of what has occurred.

Somehow, her words helped. I’m not sure if I’m there yet, where reality sets in, but I must be pretty close.

I realized months ago that I wasn’t in a dream, that I wouldn’t wake up and find myself in my bed, back on Utah Street, but rather that "this is in fact it," our new life.

Sometimes I’m still amazed that we did it, the Legal Dude and I, two middle-aged fogies who somehow managed to make a huge life change when we can’t even decide on plans for the weekend.

The Legal Dude has been back, to D.C., thrice now. He’s gotten to see friends, be in his office and eat at familiar restaurants.

I’ve yet to go back, and wonder what it will be like when I return for a visit in June.

Will it feel strange? Will I cry? Will I remember my life there?

Will I remember there that my life now, is back here, in Laramie?